Hi! Again.



I was born in Serbia, a little country in the Balkans, back in 1994. My mom always says that only crazy people were making babies born in '93 and '94 as this was a turbulent time for Serbia - a time of war, corruption, dictatorship, and poverty.

Whether it was out of craziness or existential dread, I was born here - right then. Back then, there was mass inflation.
One day, you'd earn enough to pay for all the payments of your brand new apartment, and the other, your paycheck was worth a loaf of bread. One day, you could get a loaf of bread, and the other, the store was emptied. Except for some toothpicks on the shelf. So you buy toothpicks.
Because who knows when you'll find toothpicks again.

We had electricity for 5 hours a day. My mom used this time to cook. I'm a baby, so I don't remember this. But we had it good, in comparison.

'99 was the year of the bombings. I remember walking the streets carefully, and I remember the duck tapes holding the glass walls of my grandma's building. I'll see Fox Mulder doing the same thing when I watch the X-files for the first time some 10 years later. 1999 was the year my migraines started. I still fear the sound of sirens. I remember the electricity restrictions this time, and I remember my extended family singing old folk songs by candlelight. I remember the laughter, and I remember their faces. I will appreciate them forever for making such a horrible thing a pleasurable memory.

As I said, we had it good. In comparison.

I was always shy. I feared kids' birthday parties; I was anxious around people my age. I was insecure - and still am. I work hard to live the way I live and know the things I know. I always work hard. But I'm always just on the verge of being almost satisfied.

Sometimes, I need to be reminded that I shouldn't be ashamed of laughing loudly because I'm laughing truthfully; that I shouldn't feel guilty for buying things, because I earned the right to do so; that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, because I'm already my own harshest critic. All of the time.

But also, I'm ambitious.

I get excited about butterflies on the road and Monday boards. I love cats. I adore puns. I love giving my opinion, but I finish most of my sentences with "I think" to leave room for being wrong.

I'm afraid of growing old, alone.

I am angry at myself for not reading as much as I used to.

I watch YouTube to learn new things, but sometimes I get caught up in petty YouTube drama.

I like to believe I'm a nerd.
It's my ultimate goal to be described as a good person that is also a nerd.

I don't like wasting time, but I still sometimes do. I blame technology for the downfall of humanity. I blame people's greed for almost everything. It might be the weather - if not, it's people's greed.

‍

‍

It's 2023. when I'm writing this.

This is a turbulent time for Serbia - a time of corruption, dictatorship, and poverty. Nothing much has changed.

We have electricity, and the way we are poor and struggling has changed and evolved. But the existential dread is still there. Passed down from parents to the child.

The air is polluted, the money is laundered through cheap construction sites and high apartment prices; the media has no freedom, the women have no freedom, the kids are getting dumber. The salaries are low, the demands are high. The politics are right, the opposition has left the competition.
(Isn't it strange, the more to the right you are, the more right you think you are?)

The tax is high, the prices are high, the people are high on reality TV playing in the background 24/7.

And that's where I am—typing on the keyboard, hoping to move to a country that will treat me decently.
‍
My goal is to earn enough to move to an EU country and fund my brother's education.

Still a work in progress.

Want to help me reach my goal?

Let's Talk

Schedule a free call.